Last night we went and picked Koichi up from the hospital, he went through a long surgery and although he was pretty bad the night after. He seemed in good spirits by the time he was able to leave. He said that he was a little sore around the eye, but that he can see with it. The Doctor told us that it was a little bit harder than he had expected, but that he was very confident about the operation. We were lucky that they had an Eye and face specialist on the staff at the hospital, and he made us all feel very confident both before and after the procedure.
I am still confused about how to feel about myself, I can't understand how this could have happened. I trained so hard for it, and never doubted that I would be able to fight to my fullest. Maybe I over trained a bit, and the tear and wear on my body was just too much for me. I need to get it checked up at the hospital as soon as possible, and when I get back to Japan on Friday I am going straight to the hospital. I trained so hard for this tournament, I gave it my fullest attention and knew in my heart that I could win this. I had all the cards in front of me, but then when it was my turn to play I tore a muscle and it was all over before I got started. It pains me more in my heart than anything else, I have such great support from all over. And all I could show was this, I understand that it happens. It happens a lot in other sports, but this should not happen to me again and again. I have no luck in that ring, and right now I am thinking that I might be jinxed or something. I don't believe it, because it seems to unreal that some other powers in the universe should be able to influence the outcome of my preparations. But it is also very real that after every fight I have I end up in the hospital, I hate hospitals, I hate looking up at the ceiling of hospitals. I am feeling very much like an empty shell of a human being right now. It is because when I get injured it feels like my whole life is being put on hold. I need to get over this injury and get on with my life, there is so much more to life out there than lying in bed with a ice pack on your thigh. I had actually torn a groin muscle in the last sparring before the fights, and gotten some cortisone injections in it, but coming over here and just focusing on the fight and getting ready for it, I felt very confident that it would not hold me back. There was pain but nothing I couldn't handle, I have been through it before and knew how to deal with it. But when I felt it snap in the fight, I just knew that I would not make it any better by trying to fight with it. I know my body and it limitations, it is just really frustrating that my body choose that moment in time to pull out. I guess it could have happened anytime, even during the training leading up to the fight. Or it could have happened after the fight, but life has a funny way of seriously throwing curb balls my way. And now I need to deal with the repercussions of the choices I made in there.
昨日Koichiは退院できました、オペは少し時間かかりましたけど最後に先生から報告は”大丈夫です！上手くいきました！”オペをするときは必ずリスクはあるんですが、今回は目の奥でしたから自分は本人よりも心配でした。全部が終わった後に病院に顔出して、Koichiの顔を見てほっとしました。いきなり、お前は腹減ってるんだろう？ってこいつは大丈夫だと分かりました。医者さんは目と顔の専門家だったのでオペ前の話と終わったときの説明は非常によかったです。
自分はこの三日間を足には冷やしていたり、休ましたりしています。右足のももは倍ぐらいにはれています、短パンを入ってみましたけど右足だけは入らなかったです！先生にとにかくゆっくりしてください、はれが引くまでゆっくりして。日本に帰ってからでいいので、MRIをとって内てん筋はどこまで切れているのをしっかり調べないとだめです。金曜日に帰りますので、すぐに病院に行けると思います。完全に断裂したのであれば、内出血はひどいことになるといわれました。内出血は少しありますが、はれは何よりもひどいです。何でこうなったのか分からないです、けど本当に悔しいです。毎日、毎週、毎月練習はそのリングに上がるためにやってきているのに、いざと本番になると体はついて来れないのはなぜ？ジンクスされているんじゃないか。。。最近本当にそう思うようになった。体は治します、絶対に。それよりもまた皆さんに心配をさせて、迷惑をかけているのは悔しいです。
